i'm sorry i haven't a clue best jokes

I went to the pub quiz the other night first question was, What the f**k are you looking at?, Wish someone would contact me about all the other crap Ive been missold., People who are pro-smacking children say, Its the only language they understand. You could apply that to tourists., At this time of year, if your bin men knock on the door and give you a Christmas card, its traditional to tear it up and say What did you come here for? That went off very well. The gloriously groan-worthy gags from 40 years of Radio 4's I'm Sorry I I'm Sorry I Haven't a ClueThe Complete Samantha (1993-2007) ", "We've asked Colin Sell to provide piano accompaniment. How to use Google Chromecast in Spain. Then I thought, thats what often happens in the recordings., One of its new stars, Pippa Evans, remembers a mad lockdown recording, where Barry Cryer kept taking his headphones off and we couldnt get his attention. Apparently, he's a vacuum cleaner salesman, and he's managed to get her the latest model. But one practice still makes it a bit of a wall of death. In this game, the teams imagine what effect certain letters might have had on history, had they not gone missing: Dear Dr Guillotine, We shall be pleased to grant a licence for your automated haircutting device just as soon as youve addressed one or two safety issues weve identified. ", "Actually, Colin was telling us before the show that he once toured Britain with The Monkees then Mr. Chipperfield promoted him to the elephants and gave him a bigger shovel. I'm Sorry, I [Still] Haven't a Clue - The Guardian " the man who put the C into rap music Colin Sell! . 35 of Blackadders most cunning quips and insults 100 Funny One-Liners to Crack Up Your Friends Best Hilarious Jokes ", "During Tudor times, Hull's customs levies on Humber shipping resulted in a feud with neighbouring Beverley. P.S. Yes never mind all that, Sir, blow into this please, Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?. Winter: the season when we try to keep . Perhaps encouraging complaints about schoolboy humour was the fact that despite the early inclusion of Jo Kendall the stand-out panellists were for a long time blokes. Jack Dee chairs the 75th series of the show. 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips I'm Sorry I Haven't a ClueThe Complete Lionel Blair (1993-2007) Mark Campbell 1.45K subscribers Subscribe 212K views 4 years ago A compilation of every single Lionel Blair joke (as. The 70th series of the multi-award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - Complete JokesHosted by Humphrey Lyttelton and featuring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Jeremy Hardy.ISIHAClu. I'm sorry, but why the fuss over fictional Samantha? Edit: I feel like a lot of people still aren't getting that this is a "power to Control Sea" joke :) I read in some mythology that Medusa, King Midas, and Oedipus all raised a child together. Much play was made of Humph as the "purveyor of blue-chip filth", and he liked that title. The unfortunate demise of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, William Caxton invents the Printing Press, Sir Walter Raleigh presents tobacco and potatoes at the court of Elizabeth I, Oedipus Rex blinds himself after marrying his mother, Jocasta, Joseph and his Amazingly Technicolor Entrecote, It seems to me I've heard this song beef-, If you like it, you should have put an electronic tag on it, If you liked it, you should've put a wheelclamp on it, If you liked it, you should have put herring on it, Cheese Eaten Too Close To Bedtime On Elm Street, The Long Way Round, Avoiding The River Kwai, Bring Me Someone Who Knows Alfredo Garcia, Four Engagement Parties and a Bloke Who Doesn't Feel Very Well, Let's Hope Nobody Comes and Snatches These Bodies. 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones comedy After Chairman Humph, we got Have I Got News for You, They Think It's All Over, Never Mind the Buzzcocks and countless other comedy panel games, where the chairman appears not to want to be there and isn't too fond of either his guests or the subject matter. Love your butter., 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes (November 2006), "In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. It regularly attracts an audience of 2.5 million listeners on Radio 4, a figure that would put it comfortably into the top ten programmes on BBC2 or Channel 4. I'm Sorry I Haven't a ClueThe Complete Lionel Blair (1993-2007) I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue | Tropedia | Fandom With Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor, Stephen Fry, Jack Dee and Rob Brydon deputise as chairman of the antidote to panel games. 25 of Dara Briains best jokes and funniest quotes She goes in every night to put him on downstairs, and then pulls him off on the landing. BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't Clue scorer Samantha rarely stays until the end of the show. Rounds included team members being required to sing Three Blind Mice to the tune of Old Man River; other challenges included improvising rhyming lines. P.S. ", "Incidentally, pianist Colin Sell was once mistaken for a member of the Partridge Family it took him nearly three weeks to pick the lead shot out of his backside. Certainly up there with "Ant looked on in horror as he went down with both hands on deck". So that's answered your next question. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: smuttiest jokes - The Telegraph He is key to the 50-year-old round One Song to the Tune of Another, whose highlights include performances such as Rob Brydon singing the theme from Spider-Man to Bring Him Home from Les Misrables, and the heroic tone-deafness of Jeremy Hardy. For many years it was hosted by the jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttleton. Burt Reynolds greatest quotes remembering the actors wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 ", "As the frisky tomcat of fate confronts the scalpel of destiny, and the precious natural woodland of time meets the motorway extension of eternity", "As the Ford Anglia of time fails the MOT test of eternity, and the dappled donkey of fate ambles toward the abbetoir of destiny", "Well as the delicate mayfly of time collides with the speeding windscreen of fate, and the angry wasp of destiny flies up the trouser leg of despair", "As the loose boweled pigeon to time swoops low over the tourist of destiny, and the unlicensed mini-cab of fate gets lost in the one-way system of eternity", "As the short-sighted rhino of time attempts to mount the VW beetle of eternity, and the rubber glove of hope gets lost in the Aberdeen Angus of destiny", "As the great tit of time nibbles through the gold top of eternity, and the unseen mouse droppings of fate nestle in the Crunchy Fruit and Nut muesli of destiny", "As the rogue purple underpants of time begin their assault on the whites-only wash cycle of destiny, and the twin buttocks of fate are sucked into the malfunctioning chemical toilet of eternity", "As the armpit hair of time is snagged in the ball deodorant of destiny, and the Harpic of eternity spills unseen onto the loo roll of fate", "As the red red robin of time goes bob-bob-bobbing under the snow plough of destiny, and the sage and onion stuffing mixture of fate is rammed up the eternally unfrozen turkey of damnation", "As the grubby raincoat of time opens to reveal the upright Member of Parliament, and the categorical denial of destiny is swiftly followed by the resignation letter of fate", "As the wee-willy-winky of time pops out of the nightgown of eternity", "As the chill wind of time blows up the kilt of destiny, and the short-sighted octopus of fate attempts to mount the bagpipes of eternity", "As the little Jack Horner of time pulls out his plums of fate, and the little Tommy Tucker of destiny looks for a rhyme we can broadcast", "As the plastic cup of time fails to emerge from the vending machine of destiny, and the scalding coffee substitute of fate splashes onto the unsuspecting crotch of eternity", "As the false teeth of time come away in the Granny Smith of destiny, and the Grandpa Smith of fate decides he needs stronger dentifix", "As the 4x4 of destiny on the level crossing of fate, stalls in the path of the speeding freight train of doom, and the signalman of time rushes to fetch his camera", "As the hunter of time blasts the moose of destiny, and as the dairy counter worker of fate grabs the mop of destiny", "Lionel Blair & Christopher Biggins recently appeared on Stars in Their Eyes, where Lionel singing Maggie May came second to his old teammate. Yes. Biggins said that Lionel's Rod was outstanding but he easily had it licked", "The next round is called 'Cheddar Gorge' and it's just one of many parlour games inspired by English place names. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue's funniest definitions to make you smile Mrs. Sell says it's the only thing that gets him up in the morning. Im Sorry I Havent a Clue is greatest radio comedy, says panel, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. ISIHAC NEWSLETTER. ", "You know, I was interested to learn recently that Colin doesn't just play the piano, in fact I have a letter here that says he's recently become very handy on the sax and that's signed by the Haringey Council Waste Disposal Department. All episodes of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. And then the Anthony Worrell-Thompson sausages. Actually, we were interested to hear that Colin has recently been enjoying himself in the brass section. "Dear Mr. Gadaffi, You must be very proud. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: The Best of Forty Years - Goodreads Hosted by Humphrey Lyttelton, and originally played by Barry Cryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, Willie Rushton, a range of guests have performed on the programme's panel since it began. ", "Samantha tells me she has to nip out to help an old man next door who has trouble using his stairlift. The bins are round the back! Delight - make things go darker. ", "Actually, we were all very impressed to learn that Colin once played alongside Roy Orbison. Jeremy Hardy's best jokes: From Brexit to right wing hypocrisy This houses a fine collection of vintage aircraft including the Vickers Boxkite biplane, which one Bert Hinkler flew here in 1921. ", "Musical accompaniment at the piano will be provided by Colin Sell. "Sorry I Haven't A Clue" Introduction Transcripts The keeper said if he caught Colin throwing them at the ducks again, he'd call the police. 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners Can you tell me where the expression 'Dull as Ditch Water' comes from? ", "Welcome to ISIHAC where fun and laughter get on like a mouse on fire. The chairman, jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttelton, was an unusual choice, and he seemed appalled by the format, testily setting the length of one contest at two minutes, or as long as I can stand it. Barry Cryer: My life on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue | Radio Times Dandelion - camp Big Cat. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (BBC Radio 4, 11 April 1972 - ) is a British radio comedy programme which describes itself as "the antidote to panel games ". You can imagine how things were livened up in that turkey abbatoir. (modern), Humph 'It didn't even occur to him that he was funny. Or: " the title will be provided by the technical wizardry of the multi-pixelated laser display screen. Oh no, hang on, that's Facebook. "Dear Mr Titchmarsh: This morning I went out to dig up some dandelions and a giant hogweed on my lawn. Ballykissangel. Humphrey Lyttelton: Today, everything on TV is celebrity-driven, of Bliss. Sit down, Madam." ", "If at any point I disapprove strongly you'll hear this (*blows horn*), unless I give Samantha a go, in which case you'll hear this (*lady screams*). 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding Best Smart DNS for Spain. 23 of Outnumbereds funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) Jack Dee chairs the 77th series of the show. Because then you can say, if you think thats dirty, thats your mind not our words.. The sound isn't terribly good. Missed ISIHAC on Monday so I only got to hear the latest Lionel Blair joke at lunchtime. ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she is meeting her new zookeeper gentleman friend. The late Humphrey Lyttelton once wrote: As we journey through life, discarding baggage along the way, we should keep an iron grip, to the very end, on the capacity for silliness. Is there a farm shop?, My locals rough as anything. ", "Dear Dr. Clare, So pleased to hear that Tim Brooke-Taylor is back - without him the show was like Hamlet without the balcony scene.". The 72nd series of the multi award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. More than once, between tears of helpless laughter, the producer and I asked each other: "Can we actually broadcast that?". From George W. Bush: Yo Blair You got it wrong. But, in 2008, after Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand broadcast an offensive phone call to the actor Andrew Sachs, the BBC introduced layers of compliance management. Dear Moses, Just to let you know the jet ski is now in stock. The White Sox' catastrophic start to the season has all but eliminated the team's playoff hopes before the first month A Mrs Trellis of North Wales has written in to complain that the show has 'an enormous fistful of rampant innuendo rammed into every crack', but only a truly filthy-minded person would think such a thing. 105 of the best bad jokes 20:57 EDT 23 Sep 2012 Yours, Mona Lisa. Sandi, Barry, Miles and Richard make up silly letters On. 'We're not your enemies!' The programme was first aired on April 11th1972 and the signature tune I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: Too smutty for Radio 4? - The Telegraph Now aged 103, Mr. Hinkler celebrated by repeating the event in October this yearand beat the train by seven and a half hours. Across the 50 years, the series has only twice seemed close to ending. "Samantha is off to see a chef gentleman friend who is renowned for his fine-quality offal dishes. We think your paintings are extremely promising. Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-taylor, Jack Dee Et Al, As the Honourable Member is perfectly aware, I have nothing to hide, Censors were appalled by Carry On films and wanted to give many X rated certificates, new files reveal, What Sean Connery will do if he doesnt get to church on Sunday, Australian for a Englishman made of stone, Cross between a screw top and a ring pull, How they describe a decade in the West Country, A boat makers first attempt at a coracle, A person who turns into a house at the Full Moon, A setting on Jonathan Rosss washing machine. Just off to work now dear. Iain Pattinson the man who wrote the gags for I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, recalls his razor-sharp wit, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. One of the best to date. brightondome.org. Clue also survived the technical challenge of lockdown recordings on Zoom. "The antidote to panel games", I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy show. He became quite frail towards the end and it was obvious he was frustrated by his own body giving up on him. Barry Cryer Dies: 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' Stalwart & Prolific Writer For Brit Comedians Was 86. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: smuttiest jokes - satandpcguy.com ", "Musical accompaniment will be provided in this round at the piano by Colin Sell. The programme is known for its ridiculous rounds and games, such as Mornington Crescent and Word Disassociation played completely for laughs by the panellists who, to the untrained eye, might appear at first to be playing for points. Harry Hill, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Colin Sell, Humphrey Lyttelton, Jon Naismith, Graeme Garden and Barry Cryer in Oxford for a recording of Im Sorry I Havent a Clue in 2005. 'Wait while someone comes on with piece of cardboard.'". You know that whenever musicians hear that Colin's working with us, they're always very keen for news of the old maestro well, sadly, it's failed it's M.O.T. Samantha has to nip off now as she's selling her seaside apartment. In fact, I don't think anyone ever did complain. No radio show has aided that cause greater than I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the much-loved panel show that Lyttelton (right) chaired until his death four years ago. People often talk of the rich, slightly posh, authoritarian tone of Humph's voice. Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, Dear Womans Hour: Why waste money on baby-naming books when all the names you need can be found in the telephone directory? Hardy rose to prominence in the 1980s, winning the. I could hear the cheeky glint in his eye. All rights reserved. "Piano accompaniment will be provided by Co "But, I hear you ask, what possible use could there be for a dummy with two left hands? However, given the graphic nature of the sexual acts that were "inadvertently" described, that is at least borderline disingenuous. The rule was that the joke was always clean on the page, with the laughter coming solely from the mis-hearing - literally, in the double entendre. Desperately sad news to hear that Tim Brooke Taylor died today from coronavirus - he was 79. 34 of the best Valentines Day jokes and funniest one-liners Dear I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Mailing List Member. English writer, comedian and actor Barry Cryer has died at the age of 86. discovered by Rex | Has the i.m.p.o.r.t.a.n.t clue of the case been Still, it was during one of those famous comradely Cryer phone calls of which we have all heard so much that the roots of The Clue Bible, my first weighty slab, covering over 50 years of British comedy history, first found soil.Back in the mid-2000s, I was a veteran videogame journalist who in my spare time performed sketches in a double act, and tried to get my children's stories published. 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe He just found certain things funny, and he shared them with people around him whom he hoped would also find them funny. In fact, he thought of the title for 'Alice in Wonderland' when he thought of Sunderland and changed the first letter. Like whoever created Neptune literally read what Poseidon's main powers were and was like "Ctrl C". I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue is just a small part of BBC Radio 4's long proud history of gentle comedy with added smut. This worried Henry VIII, who sent a heavily armed force immediately he heard the town was being terrorised by the Beverley sisters. Graeme Garden, Humphrey Lyttelton, Barry Cryer and Tim Brooke-Taylor in 2001. n 11 April 1972 at 12.25pm, between a You and Yours discussion on Whats new in playground equipment and a World at One report on Labour party turmoil over the Common Market referendum, BBC. Condition: Very Good Very Good. One of the first women to, as the show might put it, hold her own was Jan Ravens. It's her first day, so apparently she's going to give a speech in the back room and hand jobs out in the office. Is this the Guinness Book of World Records record for Guinness Book of World Records? ", "Well, it's time to meet the teams and I can honestly say you couldn't ask for four better comedians. There was more than that for me. Approaching what would have been his 87th birthday, he told an audience in Eastbourne: "It makes a nice change to be one of the youngest people in the room.". The White Sox have signed outfielder Clint Frazier to a minor league contract, per James Fegan of The Athletic. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Quotes, Series 36 - 39 - ivorysky Apparently, they've been working on the restoration of an old chest of drawers. While being mocked by the others for his age and incompetence at trying to read a tricky retake, he stopped, gazed to the side for a moment, squinted, and asked: "Has the man in the end bed died?" Another bumper collection of classic fun and games from one of BBC Radio 4's best-loved and most enduring comedy panel games. An audience of 3,500 rose as one to express their appreciation, as Humph improvised a powerful, note-perfect rendition of We'll Meet Again. "Buffet" is a French word that means "get up and get it yourself.". But we wouldnt get the repeat fees., 50 Years Without a Clue is on Radio 4 and BBC Sounds on 16 April at 8p. Following a great roar of appreciation at the introduction of a favourite round, he once told the audience: "Now go off and invade Czechoslovakia." It would have been more, but the chain kept falling off his bike. Thanks for that nugget . But there was a later communication that his wife and family were upset and would the BBC calm us down a bit. Someone in middle management says: Im not so sure about this line, then someone else isnt sure, either.. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - Series 56 - British Comedy Guide . I said were gonna invade Tie Rack. Actually, listeners may be fascinated to learn that before Christmas, Colin was employed to play the piano for The Stranglers. Now That's What I Call One Song to the Tune of Another - Blogger I found it very frustrating. ", "Leeds galleries and museums may contain countless priceless artefacts, but keen-eyed visitors may also find here certain curiosities of no financial value, remnants from a bye-gone age guaranteed to kill half an hour. Such was the transformation from the words I'd cobbled up into the masterful performance provided by this octogenarian, Old Etonian trumpet-player, I could collapse with laughter along with the rest of the audience, as if I'd never heard my own words before. Im just suprised I haven't seen a chopper with the Diamond Dogs or MSF logos on them. "Dear Mr. Rees, I understand you're looking for suggestions for your 'Quote, Unquote' programme. Graeme Garden and Barry Cryer, regular panellists on Radio 4's panel show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, Donald Trump to arrive in UK in week of Coronation, I wasnt good at being a performing monkey, King reveals in BBC documentary, Sadiq Khans Ulez has turned centre of London into a ghost town, I took a pay cut to get a public sector pension, Technology and slow growth will destroy 14 million jobs by 2027, Jewish leaders want to meet Guardian editor over anti-Semitic Richard Sharp cartoon, reports that BBC Radio 4 considered toning down. 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes Humphrey Lyttelton chairs the perennial antidote to panel games, The antidote to panel games. I'm pretty sure you have a perfect understanding cos your post makes absolute sense and we all recognise Corporal big ears Normie and Bomber wing ears Normie. Jack Dee chairs the 78th series of the show. 41 of Eddie Izzards funniest jokes and quotes For his first 17 years as producer, says Naismith, he was the only one to hear the show before it went out. 30 of Romesh Ranganathans funniest jokes and quotes Although Blair was heterosexual, his camp manner and balletic skills seeded a game of radio mime in which the punchlines alluded to gay sex. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - 50 And Not Out - British Comedy Guide 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners This is the game where the team are presented with the first half of memorable quotations to finish off: Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
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